Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
