apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
