Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
