I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
