You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
