people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
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If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You made out with two different species that night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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