I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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