um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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