YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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