Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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