1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
