he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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