oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
