I am spending my child support on dildos
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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