if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
