Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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