so that wasnt chicken after all
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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