oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
