Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
