Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
