i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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