He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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