Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize