cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
