Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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