I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
