Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
