he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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