pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
