Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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