Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
