Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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