My hand turned me down
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
