I'm going to jail i love you
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
