had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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