My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He kissed a someone with a penis
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
