I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
