Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
