Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Sorry my hands just texted you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
