How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
