does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
