I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
