i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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