She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well I just put wine in my tea
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
