I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
