I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
