wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Drunk is not a location!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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