ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
