a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
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I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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