You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
