You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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