pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
