I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Porn is love you can see.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
