seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
