I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
