I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
