umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
