When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
