just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
