I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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