I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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