but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
