well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
