you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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