Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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