at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
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You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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