btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize