It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
