Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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