I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
